GUEST BLOG: 'bethenny' episode 7

Week 2 of 'bethenny' means a second round of guest blogs from my dear Twumpkin @Acute_Tweetment - yay!


Bethenny’s talk show airs episode 7 on June 19, 2012 on FOX Philly. “Calling all my girls” starts playing and I automatically begin feeling the call of the wild and have a strong urge to howl at the moon….or the sun since this is DAYTIME…my legs are already hairy enough to be considered a wolverine’s. ha

Ohhh LA LAAA! Bethenny comes out from behind the stage in a teasing and sexy manner showing a little leg. She looks so cute in a striped mini skirt topped with a white button down blouse. Her outfit is accessorized with navy blue beaded necklaces around her neck and bracelets on her wrists. We are loving her hair in a high pony tail with long bangs hanging around her face today.

She dances playfully to her opening theme song and waves to the packed audience who are clapping and cheering for her appearance. She starts by saying, “This is the best….I’m having the best time. What a way to start the day!”

Must be amazing! I usually have my eye lids peeled back by a toddler standing near the head of my bed at 6:30 AM saying, “Is it morning time, Mommy?”

She asks if everyone knows what the term “free pass” means in a relationship. She explains to us, and we pretend we don’t already know (heeheee), that it’s a pass to have a sexual experience with another person other than your partner. It’s often a celebrity crush or someone you know they never have a chance of meeting and no shot in HELL of sleeping with. All in good fun.

Jason’s free pass pick used to be Angelina Jolie. She’s 1 sexy Momma. However, her free pass high ranking status was bumped when CoCo appeared on Bethenny’s talk show last week. Bethenny thinks that his mind was changed after she poured a cocktail on CoCo’s rear end. We believe he questioned his free pass decision at that point but totally dumped Angelina when CoCo did the “booty bouncing” exercise demonstration wearing tights, tank and high heels. Bye-bye Angelina…hello CoCo. Brad couldn’t stand the competition anyway. They have 6 kids to consider. HA

Bethenny’s free pass is some young ripped dude with long brown hair named Taylor Hitch. Never heard of him but he is an actor that appears on Friday Night Lights. We’ve never watched it. Didn’t she already anoint the tile store owner with a fully stocked bar as her soul mate on Bethenny Ever After last season? Guess Angelina Jolie is not the only free pass being demoted. HA!

Bethenny loves to hear what men are thinking. She introduces two male guests to discuss today’s topics. Dean McDermott (Tori and Dean) and Finesse Mitchell (comedian).

Topic 1: Free Pass?

Dean says no free passes for him and Tori. His wife is hot enough for him. We have to agree with him.

Finesse Mitchell says his fiancé gives him a free pass for who ever he wants but if she ever asks him….he’s been in the game long enough to know that it’s a set up question. HA! He said she can have a free pass pick but if he does…and it’s a real person…it’s a problem! Bethenny agrees with him. It’s only okay if it’s Nell Carter from the sitcom Gimme a Break! It should not be someone hot. Bethenny’s producer politely tells her that Nell Carter died a few years back. UGH! She’s embarrassed. Kind of sad, but forgivable. Not as bad as Kathie Lee’s oopsie on the Today show interview with Martin Short a few weeks ago. Truly cringe worthy. Not going into that any further.
Bethenny apologized and paid homage to Nells extraordinary boobs (may they breast in peace) and moved on. She also points out that Finesse was the sicko who had her on his free pass list.

Topic 2: Female Bread Winners in the Relationship

Finesse Mitchell is okay with his fiancé giving him a financial break. He would not feel any guilt about not working while she was. He would pray about it and if he remained unemployed after that, it would be a sign that he Jesus is telling him he deserves a break. HA HA HA!

Topic 3: Are body shapers and undergarment enhancements false advertisement?

The guys don’t seem to like the idea of this until Bethenny pretends to drop something and bends over…to take a drink of her water…her butt is stuck out and exaggerated while the guys fall all over each other trying to get a better look. Bethenny is making herself wish list material…
What is it with Bethenny, booties and drinks! I guess they all go together.
Men don’t seem to appreciate the false curves underwear but Bethenny knows its common practice and she’s made a business out of this stuff.

Goodbye man panel.

Next…Weight loss products and gimmicks. 60 Billion dollar per year industry! Yes. I said BILLION! Sounds like a line from Dr. Evil in the movie Austin Powers… with his pinky in his mouth. People buy into it.

Ali Vincent comes on the show to talk about weight loss products. She’s the first contestant to win on the Biggest Loser show. She lost an astonishing 112 pounds. WOW! She arrives on stage with boundless energy and excitement over Bethenny. She displays examples of weight loss devices and gimmicks that make tons of money. Fat burning contraptions, belts, bands, girdles, sweating pants, simulation jump rope, stools, and a gold mask that reduces facial fat. It’s all crazy and far fetched. I feel myself drifting off…Bethenny must have sensed that she was losing the interest of viewers and suddenly grabs the jump rope stick, puts the gold mask on her head, mounts the galloping stool while wearing her short skirt. Ali uses her hand to cover Bethenny’s crotch! I can hear her saying to her producers after the show, “Sorry about my vagina.” Jackie (Bethenny’s assistant) see’s that girls vagina so much, she could just fill Bethenny’s gynecologist in on the details every year while Bethenny stays home during annual pap exams.

Bethenny introduces Elizabeth who has had some major diet struggles and loud food noise in her life. She was even hospitalized for her eating disorder. This girl was seriously channeling Romona Singer with her wide and wild eyes but we think she is very sweet and has been thru a lot so we’ll lay off of the crazy eyes jokes. Elizabeth tells us the turning point in her life was when she read Bethenny’s book, Naturally Thin. It changed everything for her. Way to go Bethenny! Thanks for sharing, Elizabeth.

Dr. Raj is back to answer more girly sex questions! She looks very pretty and fresh in a purple sleeveless dress.

1.) Can your breast implants explode when traveling in an air plane? Answer- NOPE
2.) Are there any foods or sexual positions that will increase the likelihood of becoming pregnant with a specific gender? Boy versus girl. Answer-Nope. Just myths.
3.) Can vaginas break? Viewer Kim skypes in from Kansas City, MO. She is lying on her bed at home wearing a red dress and the camera angle is largely focusing squarely on her crotch! The ironic thing is that her question was that if men can break their penis during sex, can a woman break her vagina in the same manner? Bethenny seems shocked that this woman’s legs are wide open on the screen and says, “you look like you have all of the answers”. OMG! Weird! Was this intentional from a producer? Bethenny may go all ‘Sybil Hunter’ on their ass after the show. The answer from Dr. Raj is NOPE. Vagina’s can’t break. Invincible. They are like a super hero in the sexual gender world. Oh well. I’ve got to get a new excuse to give my husband tonight for skipping out on sex. HA
4.) How do male OBGyn’s look at boobies and vagina all day and not become aroused? Dr. Raj suggests that they do what they do all the time. They become desensitized looking at the same thing after a while. There are some exceptions to that so viewers should trust their intuition.
These docs probably hope their wives use a free pass by the time they get home so they don’t have to look at another vagina after they clock out of the office. It’s like home work.


Bethenny moves on to a serious topic. Miscarriage in pregnancy. Bethenny shares that she experienced a miscarriage a couple of months ago. This breaks our heart! 1 out of 4 women go through it that actually know about it. It can be traumatic. You’ve created a person that will never exist beyond your hopes and dreams. Bethenny becomes very emotional and teary eyed. People just need support during this. Emotional and physical. Listening and hugging. It can be difficult for the guys too. They often don’t know how to deal with things like this but they hurt and feel a sense of loss too. It’s normal to grieve and mourn during and after a miscarriage. Girl friends are a valuable weapon in protecting our sanity. It’s a good thing to talk about it with each other. It’s surprising how many ladies experience this.
It also helps to have Dr. Amador (Bethenny’s therapist) on speed dial. ;-)


Bowing down to the Queen of TMI as she signs out!

Acute_Tweetment….sharing my opinions that are Veryfried in Writing…